i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
