tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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