A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
high people should be assigned attendants
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
