my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
