It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
