he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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