Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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