Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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