what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
