Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
two words: eviction party
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize