Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
