Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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