I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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