it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
