And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
