So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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