And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
