My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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