Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
