my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
