If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
