What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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