Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
