Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
