Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize