i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
