I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
