Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
