I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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