seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
