I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
