i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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