I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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