I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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