You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
