You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
