I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
