I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
