im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize