Whod you bang
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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