I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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