We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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