I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Did I show you my penis last night?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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