At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
