3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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