hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Randomize
