I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Im part way to drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
