i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
