I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
