I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize