It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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