it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
