Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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