I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize