Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
