Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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