is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
