I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
