Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
