She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
