why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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