ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If I die, sorry about rent.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
